Perfect! I’ve added a natural closing paragraph with your reflection and included a placeholder for a link to your original ThaiForestVipassana blog article. Here’s the fully polished blog-style version:
My Journey with Psychedelics and Vipassana
I want to share this as part of my practice journey, not to promote psychedelics, but to be honest about what I’ve experienced and what I’ve learned.Before trying magic mushrooms, I had already been practicing Samatha–Vipassana for about two months. My main meditation object was ānāpānasati (mindfulness of breathing), together with the Thai Forest method of using the mantra “Bud-dho” — breathing in with Bud, breathing out with Dho. The mantra was a good anchor when my mind kept wandering. Once the mind settled, the mantra would fade on its own, leaving only the breath. At that point, a bright golden light appeared — the sign of entering upacāra samādhi, a threshold to deeper concentration. From there, I could enter the first jhāna and continue forward.To my surprise, within just a week of practice at home in Canada, I touched first jhāna. I was also under the guidance of my teacher (Kruba) in Thailand, so I wasn’t just experimenting on my own. Alongside breath meditation, I practiced satipaṭṭhāna, especially cittānupassanā (observing the mind), following teachings of Luang Por Pramote. This really sharpened my mindfulness (sati), which helped me enter samādhi more easily.
About ตัวรู้ (the Knower)
When you practice long enough, you come to experience ตัวรู้ — also called เอโกทิภาวะ (ekotibhāva). This usually arises from jhāna 2. In upacāra-samādhi, the mind often clings to nimitta (light or visions). But once the mind turns back inward, beyond the play of nimittas, the quality of ตัวรู้ arises.This “Knower” isn’t just ordinary awareness — it’s a clear, steady knowing that helps you separate and see the workings of the five aggregates (khandhas). You begin to differentiate between viññāṇa (consciousness), saṅkhāra (mental formations), saññā (perception), vedanā (feeling), and the body itself. This is where Vipassana becomes powerful, because instead of just being lost in experiences, you can clearly observe them as processes, not as “me” or “mine.”
Experimenting with Psychedelics
Even before mushrooms, I tried edibles — 20 g THC. The effect was strong. It pulled me quickly into deep meditation states. Sometimes I felt like I reached jhāna 4, where even the breath disappears. But honestly, I wasn’t sure if I had truly entered that state or if I had just fallen asleep — my sati back then was still weak. What I noticed, though, was that edibles amplified the upacāra zone: I would see lights, hear sounds, and my mind would get caught in strange, story-like visions (saṅkhāras) that didn’t come from memory.Later, with magic mushrooms, the effect was even stronger. My first trip was about 2.5 g. I saw colored lights with my eyes closed, heard high frequencies in my ears, and was flooded with bizarre thoughts and visions. Some were beautiful, some were disturbing. I saw myself as a snake baby among hundreds of other snakes. I saw myself get shot in the head and my body fall. I even looked into a mirror and couldn’t recognize who I was. At times, the experience pulled me into states that felt like pure peace, bright and luminous — almost like “nirvana.” But deep down I knew it wasn’t the true Nirvana that the Thai Forest teachers describe.When I pushed the dose higher (around 5 g, maybe more), things turned dark. I had strong nausea, confusion, and got lost in chaotic thought patterns. It was unpleasant and heavy. After that, I threw away the leftovers and decided not to go further with mushrooms.
The Dangers of the Mind “Sent Outside”
Many forest teachers warn about upacāra samādhi because it’s easy for the mind to “send outside.” In this state, people can see ghosts, angels, heavens, or hells. These experiences are real in one sense, but they are not the truth that leads to liberation. Luang Pu Dune famously said: _“The mind sent outside is the cause of suffering. The mind seeing the mind is the path to the end of suffering.”_This is exactly what I experienced with psychedelics. They made ตัวรู้ extremely sharp and sensitive — but always directed outward, chasing saṅkhāras and visions. Whenever my attention went to a thought or an image, the knowing mind followed it outside, instead of observing what was happening inside.Two years later, when my mindfulness was stronger, I tried THC edibles again. This time, I could clearly see the process: how the knowing mind kept getting pulled outward to chase after thoughts. It confirmed what my teacher and my monk friend Birdy had warned me: psychedelics may give extraordinary visions, but they don’t support sammā-samādhi or Vipassana. They scatter the mind outward instead of grounding it inward.
Reflection
Looking back, I’m grateful for the experiences because they taught me something important. Psychedelics can be fascinating and even feel profound, but they are not the path to liberation. They encourage the mind to wander outward into visions and stories, while the true work of Vipassana is simply this: observing body and mind directly, with equanimity.The real treasure isn’t in chasing colorful lights or strange visions. It’s in developing steady sati, discovering ตัวรู้, and using that clarity to see the five aggregates as they really are — impermanent, unsatisfactory, and not-self. That is what slowly leads toward freedom.It can be fun to experiment with psychedelics to test your ubekkhā, but they definitely pull attention outward, which goes against the essence of Vipassana. If you want to follow the path of meditation and mindfulness, the safest way is to develop your practice naturally, without external substances.For those who want to read the full original article and follow more of my journey, you can find it on my Thai Forest Vipassana blog: ThaiForestVipassana.com